What I Have Overcome

Some people think that they had a hard childhood.  Looking back, many adults look back and know that they really had a good childhood.  I know that I have overcome bad parenting, incorrect self-choices, and poor self-image.

 

I spent many days playing unsupervised with whatever neighborhood children were around.  My parents weren’t too sure how to raise children, so often dealt with this uncertainty by ignoring my existence.  As young as three years old, I was left outside to play with children as old as seventeen.   Once of school age, I would spend many late nights outside playing in the woods.  Most of the other children in the neighborhood would be called in for supper, but I would still be outside.  When my mother decided to get a job outside the home, she took a job at the local nursing home.  The hours were for weekday evenings.  As soon as Dad stepped in the door from work, Mom would head out.  Years later I told my mother how much of the lack of parenting I remembered.  She thought that my dad was spending ‘quality time’ with the children.  He thought she was spending time with us.

 

With no true adult guidance, I learned the hard way what was right and what was wrong.  The people I hung around with did not have my best interests in mind, but I would let them dictate what I did.  Things were especially hard during the school year when I was unsure what was acceptable by my peers.  Things I did outside of school I didn’t discuss after being ridiculed by one of my fellow students.  What I told to this student was brought up each time something happened that drew attention to me.  Something as simple as tripping over my own feet would start the ridiculing and snickering anew.  I ended up with few friends in school because I always felt different from everyone else.

 

I always believed that I was fat and ugly.  My dad often compared me to my older sister, who was much more athletic then me.  To try to become what my dad held up as perfect, I went on a crash diet.  For three months I ate nothing but rice and drank nothing but chocolate milk.  I did lose the weight, but my father never said I looked more like my sister.  I struggled day-to-day to keep the weight off.  I never considered myself to be anorexic, but I didn’t eat as much as I should have.  As a senior in high school, I found myself so skinny trying on prom dresses that I could count my ribs beneath the satin and lace while looking in the mirror.  Eventually I gave up trying to be someone else and accepted that I really like to eat.

 

Looking back I realize much of it will affect me for the rest of my life, but I’m accepting that I can’t change the past.   I still struggle with my weight to this day, but don’t think of myself as ugly because of it.  Now that I recognize my personality quirks, I deal with them head on.