Jesse Loves Brady

December 28, 2004

Merry After Christmas

I haven't been blogging much lately. Life has been busy busy. I just let go of my love after 4 days of quality time. Every day that we are apart seems to make us miss each other more. Christmas was great this year. My first happy Christmas since I was a little girl. Drew's parents made me feel like part of the family. I have never met such caring people in my life. It felt good to be part of a tradition. I look forward to holidays with them in the future. I came home on Christmas Day to visit with my own next of kin. Simple simple. People in my family are not big on Christmas, because it seems to remind us how messed up our family is. Things were civil this year, which is about as much as I can ask for. Having my father in state was an extra treat. Having a minor blizzard yesterday gave Drew and I the chance to have our first "snowed in" experience together. We spent the day sleeping, eating, and watching Newlyweds on DVD. Basically we did not accomplish anything that could not be done from bed. It was a relaxing day, and time that Drew desperately needed to kick his cold. I have also had the treat of having my little (biggest) sis down for the last few days. At 12, she seems to be going on 40. It scares me how early children mature these days. I just hope she uses her intelligence for good and not evil. Today I will pack. I am moving some time in the next week or so. I don't have much to move, but enough to keep me scrambling for the next few days. I hope you are all having a pleasant holiday season. New Year's is just around the corner. Hard to believe 2005 is just days away!

Posted by Jesse at 07:24 AM | Comments (0)

December 21, 2004

Is that sun I see?

With the sun shining outside, it is a damn shame I am trapped in the house studying the Vietnam War. I find this subject terribly depressing. Death, death, death. I got it by week 3. Anywhoo, it is a beautiful day. They say it is cold outside, and I believe them. Brady woke me up at 3:30. He was in meltdown mode. I still have no idea what his problem is, but this day is dragging by due to my state of sleepiness. I try to remind him that he is "just a cat", and cannot be allowed to ruin my sleep, but he seems to disagree. He screamed from the hall, screamed from the floor, and then screamed in my face. When I went downstairs with him, I found that my grandmother had fallen victim to his tempertantrum also. We turned on paid programming, and I think I may have caught an extra hour on the couch. Damn cat. Tonight, he is all grandma's.

Posted by Jesse at 01:05 PM | Comments (1)

December 20, 2004

What I Get For Christmas

Tomorrow is squishy day. Didn't I just get over the squishies? It never fails. Every year on Christmas, I have the squishies. Is this the coal for women? Can't I have a holiday where I am not depleted and bitchy? I had the squishies for Thanksgiving. I don't remember Easter, but I guarantee I had the squishies. So, not only is this a punishment for me, but it is also punishment for those that have to deal with me. Oh well, consider yourselves warned. I am off to marvel at my enormous boobs.

Posted by Jesse at 06:10 PM | Comments (1)

December 16, 2004

Bleh

Sorry, I just haven't had anything to say. I am stressing, about stupid things, and many of them. If I could sleep, I would sleep for a week. My frog died, my fish died, and I repotted my plant. My boyfriend proved his love for me by saying, "Its like you started to feed the kids again!" Nice. My throat is still swollen, and if it is on Monday, I will have to see a doctor. Until then, I plan on spending the next few nights out in the cold. Hopefully this will either kill my disease, or make it bad enough that I need effective drugs. I can't wait to slime all over my spermophobe!

Posted by Jesse at 08:53 PM | Comments (0)

December 14, 2004

I AM NOT SICK

A few days ago, my glands on the right side of my throat swelled up. I AM NOT SICK. Yesterday, I started sneezing. I AM NOT SICK. Last night was spent coughing, instead of sleeping. I AM NOT SICK. I refuse to get sick. Everyone else has been sick. I have been lucky. I have not been seriously ill in years. So, with the help from Halls, Vicks, and Afrin, I will be fine in no time. Right?

Posted by Jesse at 07:04 AM | Comments (1)

December 12, 2004

Firefox

Thanks to Drew, I have Firefox. Yippie!

Posted by Jesse at 08:04 PM | Comments (1)

December 08, 2004

Piggy

This place has been a sty. Is that how I spell sty? I have not been keeping up with day-to-day doings. My bathroom is disgusting. Funny, I didn't notice until I had to stick my head in the toilet the other day. Today was a day for drastic measures. My sheets have been washed and put back on. All laundry has been washed, dried, and put away. Juicy Couture included. Floor has been vacuumed, and I think I can make a new cat out of what I sucked up. The fish tank is a disaster. I think I just need to get a bigger one. I paid off my credit card today, and I am going to try to avoid charging anything else, because I am sick of getting a bill. The bathroom is still nasty, but I am just not in the mood to scrub anything. My hands are chapped enough. In between, I threw $200 into my car, so that it will roll through the winter. It is not allowed to break until next September. Thats right PT, hold it together. I still have piles everywhere, but atleast my room is a little less dusty and gross. Now, if I could just figure out what is on my comforter. TMI? It was your dirty mind that went there, not mine! If you can help me with stain identification, and removal, drop me a comment.

Posted by Jesse at 07:52 PM | Comments (2)

December 07, 2004

Wake Up Call

A Thanks for giving entry, which should have been written weeks ago.

Witnessing a major motor vehicle accident this morning has given me a new perspective on life. I will save you the icky details, as I don't want to remember them. Why should you? Standing on the side of the road, powerless in whether another human being lived or died, I had the opportunity for many thoughts to run through my head. I realized that I have no problems. Compared to the person in that car, my life is amazing. There are no problems in life, only solutions. Things that cannot be changed should be accepted, and the little things in life should be appreciated. I had the pathetic emotion of feeling sorry for myself this morning because I wasn't feeling well. HA...I bet the person behind the wheel of that car was feeling a lot worse than I was. Life has everything to do with perspective. It is a damn shame that it takes people's suffering to wake me up, but if I can take something from this sad experience, it will be to value life.

I did a lot of thinking today regarding things I am thankful for.

I am healthy. Physically, very healthy. Mental health is debatable, but fixable. It is a work in progress.

I have a family that loves me. They may be terrible at showing it, but they have come through for me in my worst times. If it weren't for them, I would not be here. I need to learn to appreciate them for who they are, and quit my bitchin.

I am completely and totally in love. People can search their whole lives for love like this, and it was electronically dropped into my lap. I am treated with so much respect and understanding. I can look into his eyes, or watch him sleep, and be blissfully happy. That is when you know things are real, when it takes nothing at all, to feel so much love. That is the kind that lasts, and it will!

I am so lucky to have education. I love school, and I always have. I have taken for granted over the years, what people have to go through to get educated. Though many of their problems are self imposed(children, debt, abusive husbands), they have still struggled to get by. I have always been able to register, pay, and go to class. I have had my own personal struggles, but I have always had the opportunity to improve myself right at my finger tips. My family has made it possible for me to be educated without debt. There are very few people out there that can say the same. I am very very lucky.

I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have are truely amazing. They have stood by me through everything, and have really put themselves out there to make sure I am ok. My dad told me when I was little, that I would have very few friends in life, but many aquaintances. I thought this was harsh, but I have found out it is very true. As I get older, I have fewer and fewer friends. I try to tell myself this is not because I am "uncool", but that true friends remain through the good and the bad.

This blog. Rebecca(one of those friends I was talking about)gave me this blog, when I was in a very bad place in this world. It gave me an outlet, a way to express myself. I didn't know what to do, or where to go with it. It saved my butt in many ways. It forced me to communicate, though only slightly, with the outside world. It forced me to have a ritual. It forced to me reflect. If it weren't for Rebecca, and this blog, I would not be in love. "Jesse Loves Brady" gave me a new life. Go figure.

So where am I going with this? A very smart person told me recently that I should "stop sweating the small stuff". It took today to make me realize how right that person was. I will finish bio, when I finish bio. I will finish college, when I finish college. I need to stop worrying about the future, and live today, because tomorrow may not come. Life is a privilage, and is so easily taken away. I have been hell bent on my future lately, because it all seems so far away. I have turned college into a torture chamber, rather than an enjoyable experience. I need to stop trying to force the future, and let it just happen. What is meant to be, will be.

Posted by Jesse at 07:05 PM | Comments (2)

Aaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggg

I want to toss chunks so badly. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Two and a half months of insomnia is truely killing my body. I am off to Borders to do some studying, screw school. It is such a nasty, cold, dirty place anyway. Atleast I will be in a retail friendly environment where I can sip tea, and spend $ when I get stressed. Time to start a Drew and Jesse photo album. That is on the list for today.

Posted by Jesse at 07:22 AM | Comments (1)

December 06, 2004

Teary Time In Truro

I heard this song today, and I thought it was just perfect!
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you are far away and dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
Where a moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,

I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep,
Cause I miss you baby, And I don't want to miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream will never do,
I still miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating,
And I wondering what you are dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you are seeing,
Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we're together,
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever and forever forever

And I don't want to miss one smile,
I don't want to miss one kiss,
I just want to be with you right here with you,
Just like this, I just want to hold you close,
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment,
For all of the rest of time
~Aerosmith~

What can I say...I'm a sap!

Posted by Jesse at 06:59 PM | Comments (1)