Jesse Loves Brady

December 07, 2004

Wake Up Call

A Thanks for giving entry, which should have been written weeks ago.

Witnessing a major motor vehicle accident this morning has given me a new perspective on life. I will save you the icky details, as I don't want to remember them. Why should you? Standing on the side of the road, powerless in whether another human being lived or died, I had the opportunity for many thoughts to run through my head. I realized that I have no problems. Compared to the person in that car, my life is amazing. There are no problems in life, only solutions. Things that cannot be changed should be accepted, and the little things in life should be appreciated. I had the pathetic emotion of feeling sorry for myself this morning because I wasn't feeling well. HA...I bet the person behind the wheel of that car was feeling a lot worse than I was. Life has everything to do with perspective. It is a damn shame that it takes people's suffering to wake me up, but if I can take something from this sad experience, it will be to value life.

I did a lot of thinking today regarding things I am thankful for.

I am healthy. Physically, very healthy. Mental health is debatable, but fixable. It is a work in progress.

I have a family that loves me. They may be terrible at showing it, but they have come through for me in my worst times. If it weren't for them, I would not be here. I need to learn to appreciate them for who they are, and quit my bitchin.

I am completely and totally in love. People can search their whole lives for love like this, and it was electronically dropped into my lap. I am treated with so much respect and understanding. I can look into his eyes, or watch him sleep, and be blissfully happy. That is when you know things are real, when it takes nothing at all, to feel so much love. That is the kind that lasts, and it will!

I am so lucky to have education. I love school, and I always have. I have taken for granted over the years, what people have to go through to get educated. Though many of their problems are self imposed(children, debt, abusive husbands), they have still struggled to get by. I have always been able to register, pay, and go to class. I have had my own personal struggles, but I have always had the opportunity to improve myself right at my finger tips. My family has made it possible for me to be educated without debt. There are very few people out there that can say the same. I am very very lucky.

I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have are truely amazing. They have stood by me through everything, and have really put themselves out there to make sure I am ok. My dad told me when I was little, that I would have very few friends in life, but many aquaintances. I thought this was harsh, but I have found out it is very true. As I get older, I have fewer and fewer friends. I try to tell myself this is not because I am "uncool", but that true friends remain through the good and the bad.

This blog. Rebecca(one of those friends I was talking about)gave me this blog, when I was in a very bad place in this world. It gave me an outlet, a way to express myself. I didn't know what to do, or where to go with it. It saved my butt in many ways. It forced me to communicate, though only slightly, with the outside world. It forced me to have a ritual. It forced to me reflect. If it weren't for Rebecca, and this blog, I would not be in love. "Jesse Loves Brady" gave me a new life. Go figure.

So where am I going with this? A very smart person told me recently that I should "stop sweating the small stuff". It took today to make me realize how right that person was. I will finish bio, when I finish bio. I will finish college, when I finish college. I need to stop worrying about the future, and live today, because tomorrow may not come. Life is a privilage, and is so easily taken away. I have been hell bent on my future lately, because it all seems so far away. I have turned college into a torture chamber, rather than an enjoyable experience. I need to stop trying to force the future, and let it just happen. What is meant to be, will be.

Posted by Jesse at December 7, 2004 07:05 PM