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March 23, 2004
Hard Day
Today has been a hard day. To say the least I am feeling alone. I cant even really describe what I am feeling. I have been reading song lyrics to see if I could find something that fits..but all the sad love ones do. I guess scared is the best way to describe it. Im not scared to be alone, actually it hurts less at this point. I am scared about what the future will bring. I am scared about how long it will take to feel normal again. I am scared about how well I am handling just cutting off communication. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life...but it is the test of my strength to protect myself. I worry that someday we will figure out that this was a huge mistake..and that too much damage will be done to ever make it ok again. I have never had someone hurt me so bad. I am discouraged because my day out today should have been a good one..but everywhere has memories. I cant believe how many places we had been in two years. I guess we did get out a little. I am determined not to let a person ruin my life...but temporarily it has complicated it. I wonder if I shouldnt make an aggressive move very far away. Currently I have all of these things I would say if I could...truths I can never tell...secrets I will probably have to hold forever. Its been months since I have had a good night sleep. Everyone says things will get better...I really hope they will.
Posted by Jesse at March 23, 2004 08:00 PM