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March 17, 2004
So Confused
I thought I was doing better with this whole break up thing. Im not crying all the time...and I was almost sleeping at night. It seems to have all come back now. It never occured to me that people would pursue me. Especially the people that have. It has made me sick inside. I dont like it. I have only been single for two weeks. I dont even see myself as that. For these people to have said these things makes me feel like they have completely minimalized the feelings I am having..and what I felt for Ben. I am so hurt right now. I was completely devoted to him for over 2 years. Never even thought of being with another person. He told me he was going to marry me...so I thought I would never be with another person again...and I was happy with that. I dont want someone else. I wish I knew how long that is going to last. It isnt fun to be alone..but the last thing I want is someone else...especially to hurt me. The fact that people think I could have rebound sex makes me feel completely disrespected. I am a good person with morals. I am not just a piece of fresh meat new to the market. The last thing I needed for my self esteem was to hear what I heard in the past few days. I hope it is out of this persons system....because it makes me sick. It makes me question this persons motives...feelings.... and capabilities. I never ever saw it coming...and I dont know if I can let it go. It is just to much for me to deal with.
Posted by Jesse at March 17, 2004 10:54 AM