Jesse Loves Brady

March 16, 2004

Tryin

I tried very hard yesterday. I really thought I was headin back where I came from when I went to see Doreen yesterday. I was ready to cave to meds...I can write this with no shame..because you all know anyways. I want to get back to school..back out with friends. She said she wasnt ready for me to try again. I had made so much progress prior to the breakup that she thinks I may be able to do this on my own. We will give it 10 more days for improvement. I went to two different beaches walking yesterday. We collected shells and even tried to get a lobster pot out of the water...no luck. Then I drove around...I never go anywhere around here...I forget how beautiful it is. I drove through the dunes...down commercial st...out onto the new pier. It sort of felt good. Earlier in the day we got Wendy's and went and ate it at Fort Hill. It was such a pretty day...I almost felt normal for 5 minutes...it felt so good. To be honest..I am pretty scared at this point. So much is uncertain...but I guess everything in life is uncertain. If that is all I can learn from this horrible experience...atleast I got something out of it. I know I have learned alot more than that tho. I have learned how much I deserve. I know how I will never let myself be treated again. The sad thing for those that have chosen to no longer be a part of my life is...I am going to be an even better person when I get through all of this. I miss the person I was two years ago...but when she comes back she will be even better for having gone through all of this. I will be stronger and more determined than ever! I have learned who my true friends are. They have been amazing. I will never forget the support they have given me. And I hope that I can give them the same support when they need it. Its funny how weird things happen. My X...who I only hear from when he is back on Cape visiting from Maine...has called me twice since all of this has happened. He has always expressed concern for me...over Christmas he said I just wasnt looking right. He has no idea what had happened and just called to say that he had bumped into my mom in Maine...so random. Anyways...he has a girlfriend..who he is very committed too...so I know he is calling for legitimate reasons. He honestly cares how I am doing. I have never been so floored in my life. For a person...who I broke up with...to call me years later because he is worried about me makes me feel good. I cant be all that bad if people like that still care. I appreciate the people that have reached out to me. Believe me it makes a difference.

Posted by Jesse at March 16, 2004 09:44 AM