Jesse Loves Brady

March 01, 2004

Changes

All I can say as that my blogs are going to change. Just like my life. I have never had my world turned so upside down in my life, and I have been through hell quite a few times. Its over between Ben and I. I cant tell you why, all I know is that he doesnt love me anymore and hasnt in sometime. The person that I have loved every day for two and a half years has left my life forever. I have given my everything to try to help him get on his feet, I cant even begin to explain. I guess there is nothing more that I can do. As I walked down the stairs this morning with our new sink dish drying rack, my grandmother held me as I cried. She will take everything back for me. I will keep the crock pot, that I tried so hard to learn to cook in all last week for him. The counter is full of dishes I lugged up the other day and washed in preparation for moving. The rubbermaid container in the garage is full of all the kitchen stuff I prepared for the move too. I have done nothing but work and strive for this relationship, and I guess none of it helped. Every inch of Cape Cod has memories. I havent slept in my room in two days, but then again I havent slept. I have no idea how I will rebuild my life. No idea how to get the things he said out of my head. No idea how to stop dreaming about it. This is a nightmare. Every bit of my heart, soul, and last lingering twinkle of spirit has been crushed for the last time. I will never let somebody hurt me like this again. Then again I dont know how I will ever trust the word love again. How can I ever forgive?

Posted by Jesse at March 1, 2004 07:46 AM